Prominent Democratic politicians threaten to challenge the results of Tuesday's midterm election, claiming their constituency was illegally impeded to vote by Colombian black magic.

Long-time champion Juan Manuel "Chucky the Colombian" Santos challenged Arnold "Terminator" Schwarzenegger to an "ultra-violent and merciless" cage fight over the legalization of marijuana.

The Colombian government has admitted to using witchcraft to ensure electoral gain for the Republican Party in November's mid-term elections in the United States.

Software giant Microsoft denies having sold software packages to Colombia's largest guerrilla group FARC after repeated allegations the rebel group only uses Microsoft Windows™, and Office in their war against the Colombian State.

A new poll shows that even the most fanatic of Juan Manuel Santos' opponents in the June elections have grown to love the Colombian President.

"Alfonso Cano," supreme leader of guerrilla organization the FARC, was admitted to an improvised jungle mental institute in the Tolima department after he fell in a "very deep clinical depression" on hearing about the death of fellow guerrilla "Mono Jojoy."